Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
