but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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