So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
