Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
