is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
