I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
