Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
