You're my little dorito
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
