I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
