i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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