i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
