just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
