One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
