Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
