the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
