you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
