Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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