don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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