five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I came so hard my ears popped.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize