So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
