you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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