Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
