Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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