I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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