shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
