My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
