Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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