i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
