my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
