remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize