I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
