Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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