i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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