hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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