He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
