Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
