I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
