If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
