My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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