Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Randomize
