I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
