..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize