the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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