she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
