This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize