Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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