someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
