his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
