whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
