I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
