in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
