I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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