My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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