he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
