wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
