We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
