the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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