Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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