1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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