I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
