she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
