no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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