you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
